First CrunchFacts T-shirts are here!

Ahoy mateys! Chad Goldsmith here with big news! The first batch of CrunchFacts t-shirts are finally ready, handwoven by Horatio Crunch’s trusted crunchling worksman, Clutumnus. Crunch designed these shirts specifically to honor his beloved coworkers, back from his improv days. You can find the shirts, as well as other goods such as canvas paintings (hand-painted…

Read More

Crunchy Answer #2: Is Crunch a Mr. or a Monsieur?

“Hello” or “bonjour?” “Thank you” or “merci?” “Give me liberty” or “donne moi une pipe?” These are the important questions we must ask when trying to decipher the origins of Crunch. While it is obviously clear he is from the beautiful Crunch Island, the location of said island has remained a bit more mysterious. Much…

Read More

Back from Smoko

You may have noticed that the CrunchFacts team has been silent recently. You may have attributed that to the fact that we were hard at work, thus the radio silence. You would be wrong. Neigh, it wasn’t hard work that kept these great Crunchtributors busy, but instead something far more important. We were on Smoko.…

Read More

Measuring the True Properties of Crunch

Many before myself have posed the question “What is Crunch?”, but they never ask “How is Crunch?”. Please excuse my light joke; I am a doctor after all. However, this question is not one that has meaning only in jest. In fact, “How is Crunch?” could be inquiring about the composition of Crunch, rather than…

Read More

エープリルフール!

って言われました。 クランチではなくて、令和です。残念ですよね。 とにかく、令和1に、CrunchFactsがいっぱい素敵なことをデビューしますので、楽しいんでください! 今度、次のクランチ様の俳句をポーストします。そして、クランチ様の日記に書いてある「日本アドベンチャー」っていうシリーズも来ます!そのシリーズは、クランチ様が日本に来たときの話です。もちろんクランチ様は大人気でしたよね~ ^-^ じゃ、また次のポーストですね!  

Read More

Hinduism Crunch : Mythological Horatiatic Sagas

During my recent business trip to the wonderful subcontinent of India, I chatted with many locals about current events. And what event is more current than Captain Crunch? During one of my conversations with a friend I had made, I learned a groundbreaking piece of information that I was not previously aware of: Crunch is…

Read More

New Year’s Cruncholutions: 2019

2019 (or クランチ 1, as reported to us by my dear friend Tatsumi) is upon us all, and we at CrunchFacts have decided to crunchatize our New Year’s resolutions. I have interviewed all of our staff, and you can read about our individual resolutions below. CrunchFacts itself also has a few surprises in store for 2019.…

Read More

平成の次の年号は?

今年は平成30年ですが、今年は平成の最後ですよ。なので、みんなが「ええ、次の年号は何?」ってことよく言っていますね。いつも、首相(あべさん)が新しい年号を発表するんですね?でも、今回はちょっと違います。 最近、私は天皇様と個人的に会えました。実は、天皇様の娘さんと私の息子が付き合っているんですから、お見合いのために、一緒に会って話しました。色々な話できました。フォーとナイトから、Area 51まで、何でも話しました。すごく啓発でした!特に、クランチ様の話でした。 ちょっと秘密なんですけど、天皇様がクランチ様の大ファンです!聞いてびっくりしっちゃったんですけど、嬉しかったです!毎朝、天皇様がクランチベリーズを召し上がって、Captain Crunch’s Crunchling Adventureをなさいます。本当に素敵な天皇様ですね。 クランチ様について話していた間に、天皇様から秘密を教えてもらいました。次の年号の名前を教えてもらいました!天皇様によると、新しい年号の名前、毎日考えていらっしゃいました。ある日、朝食召し上がっていた時に、突然、名前が来ました。 クランチ! ーですから、平成がおわってから、クランチ1が始まります!本当にすごい年号だと思っています。 じゃあ、また来年ですね!  

Read More

Fourth Day of Advent: Advice

It was by no error on our behalves that the third day of accelerated advent was skipped. Though the reasons for this are manifold, I would like to fill you in as to why: to allow our beloved readers to enjoy what we recommended on the second day of accelerated advent: time spent with your…

Read More

Remember — No Crunchling

Crunch, crunch never changes. We are fighting for our lives on the front line every single day and those bastards on Wall Street are pouring more and more money into Kellogg’s. Well, I say no more. Tonight, we make a stand. Tonight we show that we are not to be trifled with. Tonight, we dine…

Read More