Crunch Declassifed

More than just an icon for a beloved breakfast cereal, Horatio Magellan Crunch is a decorated sailor in the Navy. At the helm of the battle-scarred Guppy, Captain Crunch has acquired many a story by sailing the Seven Milky Seas. However, his life has been shrouded in mystery, as his only accounts of these stories was classified by the FBI, in an attempt to hide the truth. Due to recent developments with under the Quaker Oats administration, Crunch’s memoirs have since been declassified.

We here at CrunchFacts are the first to decode Crunch’s writing, with help from his infamous Crunchlings. Proceed with caution; once you read these stories, you will not be able to forget the crunching truth.