Super Crunch Brothers Review

With the release of the 5th installment of the hit game “Super Smash Bros,” it seems almost every personality from all edges of the world got an invite to the brawl. Figures such as Mario the Ph.D plumber, Sonic the blue blur, Pac-Man the devourer of worlds, the princess of Hyrule (original capital of Constantinople) Link, and even esteemed bounty hunter “Captain” Falcon. However, Falcon wasn’t the only captain invited to this melee of the ages.

That’s right, Captain Horatio Crunch himself also graced this game with his presence, stating that “with me in the game, this shit will slap” The captain couldn’t have been more right. After the announcement of his playability in the game, pre-orders surged through the metaphorical roof, making “Ultimate” the fastest selling game in the “Smash” series.

Smashatize me Captain.JPG
Here is a taste of what Horatio’s in-game character looks like. 1st place, as usual.

When asked what kind of fighting style he would like, Crunch simply replied “Smashatize me.” And so, Nintendo and Sakurai did the best they could to capture what they felt best represented the flavorful seaman’s fighting style. They couldn’t, however, use Crunch’s entire wardrobe in this game due to fear of lawsuit from Crunch’s crunchling lawyers. Instead, they decided to go with a classic pirate look, in an effort to depict Crunch during his days upon the Seven Milky Seas as a privateer.

Initial reviews of the game from reputable gaming news sites such as IGN have reviewers saying such fallacies as “Crunch is OP!!!!1!!” and “nerf Crunch!!! 😦 .” Nintendo himself, the shadowy and mysterious man known for not often making public appearances, decided to come out of hiding in response to these outrageous remarks. Nintendo stated “Crunch is supposed to be overpowered. If he was not, it would be a misrepresentation to the perfect 200 IQ Crunch, and would not fully capture his whimsical, crunchy essence.”

When asked about his own feelings about the game, Crunch said “Just as I thought. This shit slaps.”

This concludes our thorough, very in-depth review of the gameplay and technical mechanics of the new “Smash” game.

CrunchFacts gives this game a near-perfect 9.5/10 Crunchberries.

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