A Very Crunchy Advent Calendar

Season’s Greetings, and a very early Merry Crunchmas to you all!

Preparatory to the most esteemed time of the year, it is a tradition of the Crunch Facts team to do a little bit of an advent calendar. Though the fibers of our being unwind and unravel at each seam, bursting in anticipatory welcome to you all, we cannot bring you here to share in the Crunchmas spirit with us all. Here, 20 whole days into Christmas, we have seemingly trapped in the Captain Crunch time-space continuum, and, having only recently broken free, are attempting with the utmost prejudice to make up for lost time. So, herein I will share you with all the first day of our Crunchmas advent calendar! Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch, a staunch anti-materialist (as evidenced by his materialistic pirate nemesis, Jean LaFoote), would be appalled if we were to turn the season of Crunchmas into a material-oriented affair; and so, we here at the Crunch Facts team thing it fitting to bestow unto you all words of wisdom, from now until the dawn of the New Year’s Day. The first are but simple words, ones that I’ve been musing over for quite a while now. Crunchman-in-arms Emerson said to me the other day, as we were discussing those religious individuals who take to church on Crunchmas:

“I like the silent crunch before the service begins, better than any preaching.”

It’s a time more pleasant than any other, this time of the season, Emerson recommends a gratification more wholesome than any other. On the first day of our accelerated advent calendar, we recommend sneaking a bowl of Captain Crunch into your service: He won’t notice.

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