“Hello” or “bonjour?” “Thank you” or “merci?” “Give me liberty” or “donne moi une pipe?” These are the important questions we must ask when trying to decipher the origins of Crunch.
While it is obviously clear he is from the beautiful Crunch Island, the location of said island has remained a bit more mysterious. Much like the human body is around 60% water, Earth is also around 71% water (and milk). It is amongst this delicious watery milk that we find Crunch Island, in an infamous area known by many as the Crunchmuda Triangle.
This area has been cited throughout written and oral history as the source of UFOs, mysterious ship disappearances, and Tommy Wiseau’s belt collection.
Now that we know that Crunch Island lies within the Crunchmuda Triangle, we must ask ourselves: what nation holds claim to the crunchtastic Triangle? The answer is not quite so simple.
Nations as large as the United States and China dispute claims for the uncharted waters, as well as smaller nations such as Angola, Lesotho (the landlocked nation within the middle of South Africa), and Canada.
So, to answer the question, Crunch is none of the above, and all of the above. Crunch holds something unique to him, called Shrödinger’s Passport, meaning his nationality is both American and yet not American, French and yet not French.
I hope this answered your Crunch Question.
If anyone else has any Crunchy Questions, please do not hesitate to ask!