As I delve further into Crunch’s memoirs, I descover truly how little I know about the universe. With each entry, Crunch reaches closer and closer to omnipotence. How he is able to remember even the most minute details, and then write them in his personal diary, able to be understood by even the most casual reader. It is truly breathtaking.
This is one of those breathtaking stories. It transpires over the course of 3 entries in Crunch’s memoirs, so I have translated and split them accordingly. This is part 1 of 3.
17th of July, 1746th year of our Crunch
It seems that no matter how many times we parley, Jean LaFoote does not quit. This encounter makes the 11th one this week. His recently rebuilt Queen Fran’s Revenge also allows him to pester me further.
Lafoote’s shenanigans this time, included shooting himself out of one of the Fran’s starboard cannons, onto me ship. From there, he went below deck, stealing all of the crew’s bananas, oranges, and pineapples. (Maybe in an attempt to give us scurvy by reducing our fruit intake?) But the fool missed the greatest of the fruits: our crunchberries!
He didn’t get far though. Just as he was swimming back to Fran, he got a cramp for swimming without waiting 30 minutes after eating! It seems he decided to sample some of the “fruits” of his labor before returning to his ship! Arg arg arg! (*translators note: it seems that Crunch wrote “arg arg arg” when conveying that he was laughing. It is unclear if that is an acronym of some sort, or a sign that the captain of the S.S. Guppy didn’t carry throat lozenges with him.)
After spotting him, we quickly harpooned the scoundrel right through the loop of his out-of-style earrings, and reeled him on board for his usual punishment: a week in the brig, 3 days with good behavior.
However, this deFEET for LaFoote felt a bit out of the ordinary. It was almost as if LaFoote was trying to get caught. The way he splashed about in the ocean, carrying only our least valuable cargo. One wonders if ol’ Jeanny boy is up to something?
It’s just like the good captain to end on a cliffhanger isn’t it? Boy I cannot wait to show you all the rest of the story!
Stay tuned next time, for part 2 of 3 in the “Trouble aFoote” encounter series!