New Year’s Cruncholutions: 2019

2019 (or クランチ 1, as reported to us by my dear friend Tatsumi) is upon us all, and we at CrunchFacts have decided to crunchatize our New Year’s resolutions. I have interviewed all of our staff, and you can read about our individual resolutions below. CrunchFacts itself also has a few surprises in store for 2019.…

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Whose Crunch Is It Anyway?

“Hello and welcome to the site where everything is made up and the facts don’t matter” —— is what I would say if that were the case. But, as you can clearly see, this is all very real. I’ve spent the last few weeks reviewing my colleague Jaime’s translations of Crunch’s memoirs, and I finally…

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Super Crunch Brothers Review

With the release of the 5th installment of the hit game “Super Smash Bros,” it seems almost every personality from all edges of the world got an invite to the brawl. Figures such as Mario the Ph.D plumber, Sonic the blue blur, Pac-Man the devourer of worlds, the princess of Hyrule (original capital of Constantinople)…

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Jean LaFoote Encounters: The Beginning

To start this series on Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch’s encounters with infamous pirate, counterfeit Cap’n Crunch cereal maker, and jaywalker Jean LaFoote, I figured I would write out Crunch’s very first encounter with LaFoote. While it may not be as crunchtastic as some of the later encounters, it serves as a good exposition to the future…

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Introducing: Jean LaFoote

From Crunch’s memoirs, we’ve read a lot about his exploits around the world and the battles he has fought. But one intriguing person keeps popping up in Crunch’s entries, and that person is his Jean LaFoote. LaFoote was (and maybe still is) Crunch’s greatest adversary. They did battle numerous times, often crossing blades over the…

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Mayor Crunch?

Further inspection of our Crunch memoirs has revealed that the good Captain once held political office. Not only that, but he held one of the more prestigious offices in the world: Mayor of Flavortown, USA. Normally, people associate celebrity food critic and chef Guy Fieri as the Mayor of Flavortown, but that has not always…

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“Cap’n Crunch’s Crunchling Adventure” Review

The year was 1999. The Captain released a video game as a surprise inside his special Cap’n Crunch cereal for children all across the Crunch-o-sphere. However, it wasn’t until later that the game’s true purpose was realized. Much like World War II’s Bletchley codebreakers were found using crossword puzzles in British newspapers, Crunch sought gifted Crunchling…

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Crunch Declassifed

More than just an icon for a beloved breakfast cereal, Horatio Magellan Crunch is a decorated sailor in the Navy. At the helm of the battle-scarred Guppy, Captain Crunch has acquired many a story by sailing the Seven Milky Seas. However, his life has been shrouded in mystery, as his only accounts of these stories was…

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