2nd Batch of CrunchFacts T-shirts are here!

Ahoy mateys! Chad Goldsmith here with big news! Back by overwhelmingly popular demand, the second batch of CrunchFacts t-shirts are at the ready, once again handwoven by Horatio Crunch’s trusted crunchling worksman, Clutumnus. Clutumnus has had a lot of free time on his hands due to Crunch Island being on lock down (the island nation’s…

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Jean LaFoote Encounters: Trouble aFoote Part 1/3

As I delve further into Crunch’s memoirs, I descover truly how little I know about the universe. With each entry, Crunch reaches closer and closer to omnipotence. How he is able to remember even the most minute details, and then write them in his personal diary, able to be understood by even the most casual…

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Cap’n Crunch – Sprinkled Donut Flavor Review

It goes without saying that the best breakfast food is, undoubtably, cereal. More specifically, Cap’n Crunch cereal made by the one and only Horatio Magellan Crunch. However, a close runner-up is the donut. That’s why I could hardly believe my crunchberry sized eyes when I saw the perfect fusion cuisine: Cap’n Crunch Sprinkled Donut cereal.…

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Crunchy Answer #2: Is Crunch a Mr. or a Monsieur?

“Hello” or “bonjour?” “Thank you” or “merci?” “Give me liberty” or “donne moi une pipe?” These are the important questions we must ask when trying to decipher the origins of Crunch. While it is obviously clear he is from the beautiful Crunch Island, the location of said island has remained a bit more mysterious. Much…

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Back from Smoko

You may have noticed that the CrunchFacts team has been silent recently. You may have attributed that to the fact that we were hard at work, thus the radio silence. You would be wrong. Neigh, it wasn’t hard work that kept these great Crunchtributors busy, but instead something far more important. We were on Smoko.…

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First CrunchFacts T-shirts are here!

Ahoy mateys! Chad Goldsmith here with big news! The first batch of CrunchFacts t-shirts are finally ready, handwoven by Horatio Crunch’s trusted crunchling worksman, Clutumnus. Crunch designed these shirts specifically to honor his beloved coworkers, back from his improv days. You can find the shirts, as well as other goods such as canvas paintings (hand-painted…

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New Year’s Cruncholutions: 2019

2019 (or クランチ 1, as reported to us by my dear friend Tatsumi) is upon us all, and we at CrunchFacts have decided to crunchatize our New Year’s resolutions. I have interviewed all of our staff, and you can read about our individual resolutions below. CrunchFacts itself also has a few surprises in store for 2019.…

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Whose Crunch Is It Anyway?

“Hello and welcome to the site where everything is made up and the facts don’t matter” —— is what I would say if that were the case. But, as you can clearly see, this is all very real. I’ve spent the last few weeks reviewing my colleague Jaime’s translations of Crunch’s memoirs, and I finally…

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Super Crunch Brothers Review

With the release of the 5th installment of the hit game “Super Smash Bros,” it seems almost every personality from all edges of the world got an invite to the brawl. Figures such as Mario the Ph.D plumber, Sonic the blue blur, Pac-Man the devourer of worlds, the princess of Hyrule (original capital of Constantinople)…

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Jean LaFoote Encounters: The Beginning

To start this series on Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch’s encounters with infamous pirate, counterfeit Cap’n Crunch cereal maker, and jaywalker Jean LaFoote, I figured I would write out Crunch’s very first encounter with LaFoote. While it may not be as crunchtastic as some of the later encounters, it serves as a good exposition to the future…

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