Remember — No Crunchling

Crunch, crunch never changes. We are fighting for our lives on the front line every single day and those bastards on Wall Street are pouring more and more money into Kellogg’s. Well, I say no more. Tonight, we make a stand. Tonight we show that we are not to be trifled with. Tonight, we dine…

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2018: A Crunchy Retrospective

Well, here we are. The year is coming to a close and we all have a chance to look back upon the great — and not so great — things that have happened this year. And so we all must ask ourselves: where would we be without a little crunch in our lives! Yes, we…

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Horatiatic Jestings

As has been made clear by the posts of my great friend and peer who shall remain nameless, the accurate interpretation of Horatio’s existential verities eludes even those who have been blessed with the brightest of minds! It would seem that our humble outlet of information has been plagued, transforming it into a cesspool of…

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Solitary Berry

Captain Crunch, A man of glee For breakfast, lunch, I’ll munch on thee Aboard his ship, The S.S. Guppy On sea you’ll float, If you’re so lucky And search the seas, Look far and wide For Crunch Berries, To steal and hide   Upon your tongue, You’ll plant the seed One berry clung, but was…

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You Are Being Lied To.

It has recently been brought to my attention that lies are being spread about what we represent and how we choose to portray ourselves as an independent information entity.  I apologize for any rash language or unsightly overtones in this update; I am simply livid. We stand for nothing short of the entire truth and…

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Why Do We Take the “Truth” as Fact? (Franklin vs. Crunch)

Few men have had the wherewithal to lead the formation of a country with very little promise or prospect.  In the same vein, the life of a navy admiral–while woeful and lonely–can also up-heave men to the highest clutches of fame and glory due to the arduous, painstaking dedication required. It has been purported many…

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