Fourth Day of Advent: Advice

It was by no error on our behalves that the third day of accelerated advent was skipped. Though the reasons for this are manifold, I would like to fill you in as to why: to allow our beloved readers to enjoy what we recommended on the second day of accelerated advent: time spent with your…

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A Very Crunchy Advent Calendar 2: Attack of the Crunch

Pardon my title, fellow Crunchmas celebrators! Just the other night, before turning in for a very crunchy slumber, I saw it fit to watch George Lucrunch’s Crunch Wars Episode II: Attack of the Crunch. Anakin Skycruncher: I don’t like sand. It’s coarse, and rough, and irritating, and it gets everywhere. Today, on this second day…

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A Very Crunchy Advent Calendar

Season’s Greetings, and a very early Merry Crunchmas to you all! Preparatory to the most esteemed time of the year, it is a tradition of the Crunch Facts team to do a little bit of an advent calendar. Though the fibers of our being unwind and unravel at each seam, bursting in anticipatory welcome to…

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Crunchy Answer #1: Crunch’s influence on Contemporary Culture/Media

We (the Captain Crunch Colloquium here at CrunchFacts) received through our “Any Crunchy Questions” section a request from one Pete Pops: “Can you write an article covering the ‘I’m gonna munch, I’m gonna crunch’ vine and other examples of contemporary media inspired by the Cap’n?” Well Pete, you couldn’t have been any more timely in…

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Cap’n Crunch – Original Flavor Review

Let me begin by saying that I love Captain Crunch. This bias will most certainly seep into my review, but I am unapologetic. This bias is well-deserved, and, for reasons I will soon discuss, Cap’n Crunch’s original flavor gets 10/10 Crunchberries. Perfectly sweetened, delectable and savory, crunchy yet soft–Cap’n Crunch’s original flavor, contained within a…

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An Ode to Crunch, Or Crunchling’s Lament

He arrived, a gleam in his eyes; it betrayed, belied, yet cast all pretense aside. Setting forth, looking port; not right, though not wrong, adventure throngs among throngs overlong. Queued to queue their boxes emblazoned, they stand and they wait, mostly patient. Then he arrives, fully sated, to sate of them, that diverse gradient, that…

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In Sickness and in Health

It would appear as though I have fallen sick: my throat prickles, as though perforated by cactus spines; my eye-sockets throb, and feel impressed upon; my body, simply put, is failing me. I would worry you not, most esteemed reader – I will most certainly recover from that which ails me. The cause for my…

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i’ve found the truth!

I’ve found it out! Captain Crunch, you delectable lout! Beloved colonizer of the Isle of Crunch Crunchlings you herded, gathered in a bunch! Compressed and compacted, squeezed and extruded To create golden corn and oat squares, beautiful and fluted! Oh what a show! How could I have ever been so low? So as to doubt…

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why

i cannot for the life of me discern what exactly it is i am trying to say anymore–i have, time and time again, deleted and rewritten this post. it has been two hours now, and i refuse to allow myself to rebuff this post’s submission any further. i have toyed with the idea of simply…

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