A Very Crunchy Advent Calendar

Season’s Greetings, and a very early Merry Crunchmas to you all! Preparatory to the most esteemed time of the year, it is a tradition of the Crunch Facts team to do a little bit of an advent calendar. Though the fibers of our being unwind and unravel at each seam, bursting in anticipatory welcome to…

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2018: A Crunchy Retrospective

Well, here we are. The year is coming to a close and we all have a chance to look back upon the great — and not so great — things that have happened this year. And so we all must ask ourselves: where would we be without a little crunch in our lives! Yes, we…

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Super Crunch Brothers Review

With the release of the 5th installment of the hit game “Super Smash Bros,” it seems almost every personality from all edges of the world got an invite to the brawl. Figures such as Mario the Ph.D plumber, Sonic the blue blur, Pac-Man the devourer of worlds, the princess of Hyrule (original capital of Constantinople)…

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Jean LaFoote Encounters: The Beginning

To start this series on Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch’s encounters with infamous pirate, counterfeit Cap’n Crunch cereal maker, and jaywalker Jean LaFoote, I figured I would write out Crunch’s very first encounter with LaFoote. While it may not be as crunchtastic as some of the later encounters, it serves as a good exposition to the future…

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Introducing: Jean LaFoote

From Crunch’s memoirs, we’ve read a lot about his exploits around the world and the battles he has fought. But one intriguing person keeps popping up in Crunch’s entries, and that person is his Jean LaFoote. LaFoote was (and maybe still is) Crunch’s greatest adversary. They did battle numerous times, often crossing blades over the…

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An Ode to Crunch, Or Crunchling’s Lament

He arrived, a gleam in his eyes; it betrayed, belied, yet cast all pretense aside. Setting forth, looking port; not right, though not wrong, adventure throngs among throngs overlong. Queued to queue their boxes emblazoned, they stand and they wait, mostly patient. Then he arrives, fully sated, to sate of them, that diverse gradient, that…

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In Sickness and in Health

It would appear as though I have fallen sick: my throat prickles, as though perforated by cactus spines; my eye-sockets throb, and feel impressed upon; my body, simply put, is failing me. I would worry you not, most esteemed reader – I will most certainly recover from that which ails me. The cause for my…

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Horatiatic Jestings

As has been made clear by the posts of my great friend and peer who shall remain nameless, the accurate interpretation of Horatio’s existential verities eludes even those who have been blessed with the brightest of minds! It would seem that our humble outlet of information has been plagued, transforming it into a cesspool of…

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i’ve found the truth!

I’ve found it out! Captain Crunch, you delectable lout! Beloved colonizer of the Isle of Crunch Crunchlings you herded, gathered in a bunch! Compressed and compacted, squeezed and extruded To create golden corn and oat squares, beautiful and fluted! Oh what a show! How could I have ever been so low? So as to doubt…

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