Remember — No Crunchling

Crunch, crunch never changes. We are fighting for our lives on the front line every single day and those bastards on Wall Street are pouring more and more money into Kellogg’s. Well, I say no more. Tonight, we make a stand. Tonight we show that we are not to be trifled with. Tonight, we dine…

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A Very Crunchy Advent Calendar 2: Attack of the Crunch

Pardon my title, fellow Crunchmas celebrators! Just the other night, before turning in for a very crunchy slumber, I saw it fit to watch George Lucrunch’s Crunch Wars Episode II: Attack of the Crunch. Anakin Skycruncher: I don’t like sand. It’s coarse, and rough, and irritating, and it gets everywhere. Today, on this second day…

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Whose Crunch Is It Anyway?

“Hello and welcome to the site where everything is made up and the facts don’t matter” —— is what I would say if that were the case. But, as you can clearly see, this is all very real. I’ve spent the last few weeks reviewing my colleague Jaime’s translations of Crunch’s memoirs, and I finally…

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A Very Crunchy Advent Calendar

Season’s Greetings, and a very early Merry Crunchmas to you all! Preparatory to the most esteemed time of the year, it is a tradition of the Crunch Facts team to do a little bit of an advent calendar. Though the fibers of our being unwind and unravel at each seam, bursting in anticipatory welcome to…

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2018: A Crunchy Retrospective

Well, here we are. The year is coming to a close and we all have a chance to look back upon the great — and not so great — things that have happened this year. And so we all must ask ourselves: where would we be without a little crunch in our lives! Yes, we…

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Super Crunch Brothers Review

With the release of the 5th installment of the hit game “Super Smash Bros,” it seems almost every personality from all edges of the world got an invite to the brawl. Figures such as Mario the Ph.D plumber, Sonic the blue blur, Pac-Man the devourer of worlds, the princess of Hyrule (original capital of Constantinople)…

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Crunchy Answer #1: Crunch’s influence on Contemporary Culture/Media

We (the Captain Crunch Colloquium here at CrunchFacts) received through our “Any Crunchy Questions” section a request from one Pete Pops: “Can you write an article covering the ‘I’m gonna munch, I’m gonna crunch’ vine and other examples of contemporary media inspired by the Cap’n?” Well Pete, you couldn’t have been any more timely in…

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Jean LaFoote Encounters: The Beginning

To start this series on Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch’s encounters with infamous pirate, counterfeit Cap’n Crunch cereal maker, and jaywalker Jean LaFoote, I figured I would write out Crunch’s very first encounter with LaFoote. While it may not be as crunchtastic as some of the later encounters, it serves as a good exposition to the future…

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Introducing: Jean LaFoote

From Crunch’s memoirs, we’ve read a lot about his exploits around the world and the battles he has fought. But one intriguing person keeps popping up in Crunch’s entries, and that person is his Jean LaFoote. LaFoote was (and maybe still is) Crunch’s greatest adversary. They did battle numerous times, often crossing blades over the…

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Cap’n Crunch – Original Flavor Review

Let me begin by saying that I love Captain Crunch. This bias will most certainly seep into my review, but I am unapologetic. This bias is well-deserved, and, for reasons I will soon discuss, Cap’n Crunch’s original flavor gets 10/10 Crunchberries. Perfectly sweetened, delectable and savory, crunchy yet soft–Cap’n Crunch’s original flavor, contained within a…

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