New Year’s Cruncholutions: 2019

2019 (or クランチ 1, as reported to us by my dear friend Tatsumi) is upon us all, and we at CrunchFacts have decided to crunchatize our New Year’s resolutions. I have interviewed all of our staff, and you can read about our individual resolutions below. CrunchFacts itself also has a few surprises in store for 2019.…

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2018: A Crunchy Retrospective

Well, here we are. The year is coming to a close and we all have a chance to look back upon the great — and not so great — things that have happened this year. And so we all must ask ourselves: where would we be without a little crunch in our lives! Yes, we…

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Jean LaFoote Encounters: The Beginning

To start this series on Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch’s encounters with infamous pirate, counterfeit Cap’n Crunch cereal maker, and jaywalker Jean LaFoote, I figured I would write out Crunch’s very first encounter with LaFoote. While it may not be as crunchtastic as some of the later encounters, it serves as a good exposition to the future…

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Introducing: Jean LaFoote

From Crunch’s memoirs, we’ve read a lot about his exploits around the world and the battles he has fought. But one intriguing person keeps popping up in Crunch’s entries, and that person is his Jean LaFoote. LaFoote was (and maybe still is) Crunch’s greatest adversary. They did battle numerous times, often crossing blades over the…

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Cap’n Crunch – Original Flavor Review

Let me begin by saying that I love Captain Crunch. This bias will most certainly seep into my review, but I am unapologetic. This bias is well-deserved, and, for reasons I will soon discuss, Cap’n Crunch’s original flavor gets 10/10 Crunchberries. Perfectly sweetened, delectable and savory, crunchy yet soft–Cap’n Crunch’s original flavor, contained within a…

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Horatiatic Jestings

As has been made clear by the posts of my great friend and peer who shall remain nameless, the accurate interpretation of Horatio’s existential verities eludes even those who have been blessed with the brightest of minds! It would seem that our humble outlet of information has been plagued, transforming it into a cesspool of…

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Solitary Berry

Captain Crunch, A man of glee For breakfast, lunch, I’ll munch on thee Aboard his ship, The S.S. Guppy On sea you’ll float, If you’re so lucky And search the seas, Look far and wide For Crunch Berries, To steal and hide   Upon your tongue, You’ll plant the seed One berry clung, but was…

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Eucharistic Horatiatic Postmortem Impermanence

Captain Crunch exists. This is my final stand, both against myself and those around me who would think me as covetously grasping to a fiction. So quick to jump to conclusions, people are; and yet, even in the face of finite, categorical, epistemologically unchallengeable outcomes, people can deny the truth. My friends and colleagues have…

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“Cap’n Crunch’s Crunchling Adventure” Review

The year was 1999. The Captain released a video game as a surprise inside his special Cap’n Crunch cereal for children all across the Crunch-o-sphere. However, it wasn’t until later that the game’s true purpose was realized. Much like World War II’s Bletchley codebreakers were found using crossword puzzles in British newspapers, Crunch sought gifted Crunchling…

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クランチ様の俳句

クランチ様が回顧録で色々な俳句を書きました。この下の俳句は私の一番好きな俳句です。 花見する クランチ桜 カラフルだ

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