Hinduism Crunch : Mythological Horatiatic Sagas

During my recent business trip to the wonderful subcontinent of India, I chatted with many locals about current events. And what event is more current than Captain Crunch? During one of my conversations with a friend I had made, I learned a groundbreaking piece of information that I was not previously aware of: Crunch is…

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New Year’s Cruncholutions: 2019

2019 (or クランチ 1, as reported to us by my dear friend Tatsumi) is upon us all, and we at CrunchFacts have decided to crunchatize our New Year’s resolutions. I have interviewed all of our staff, and you can read about our individual resolutions below. CrunchFacts itself also has a few surprises in store for 2019.…

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平成の次の年号は?

今年は平成30年ですが、今年は平成の最後ですよ。なので、みんなが「ええ、次の年号は何?」ってことよく言っていますね。いつも、首相(あべさん)が新しい年号を発表するんですね?でも、今回はちょっと違います。 最近、私は天皇様と個人的に会えました。実は、天皇様の娘さんと私の息子が付き合っているんですから、お見合いのために、一緒に会って話しました。色々な話できました。フォーとナイトから、Area 51まで、何でも話しました。すごく啓発でした!特に、クランチ様の話でした。 ちょっと秘密なんですけど、天皇様がクランチ様の大ファンです!聞いてびっくりしっちゃったんですけど、嬉しかったです!毎朝、天皇様がクランチベリーズを召し上がって、Captain Crunch’s Crunchling Adventureをなさいます。本当に素敵な天皇様ですね。 クランチ様について話していた間に、天皇様から秘密を教えてもらいました。次の年号の名前を教えてもらいました!天皇様によると、新しい年号の名前、毎日考えていらっしゃいました。ある日、朝食召し上がっていた時に、突然、名前が来ました。 クランチ! ーですから、平成がおわってから、クランチ1が始まります!本当にすごい年号だと思っています。 じゃあ、また来年ですね!  

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A Very Crunchy Advent Calendar 2: Attack of the Crunch

Pardon my title, fellow Crunchmas celebrators! Just the other night, before turning in for a very crunchy slumber, I saw it fit to watch George Lucrunch’s Crunch Wars Episode II: Attack of the Crunch. Anakin Skycruncher: I don’t like sand. It’s coarse, and rough, and irritating, and it gets everywhere. Today, on this second day…

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Whose Crunch Is It Anyway?

“Hello and welcome to the site where everything is made up and the facts don’t matter” —— is what I would say if that were the case. But, as you can clearly see, this is all very real. I’ve spent the last few weeks reviewing my colleague Jaime’s translations of Crunch’s memoirs, and I finally…

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2018: A Crunchy Retrospective

Well, here we are. The year is coming to a close and we all have a chance to look back upon the great — and not so great — things that have happened this year. And so we all must ask ourselves: where would we be without a little crunch in our lives! Yes, we…

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Super Crunch Brothers Review

With the release of the 5th installment of the hit game “Super Smash Bros,” it seems almost every personality from all edges of the world got an invite to the brawl. Figures such as Mario the Ph.D plumber, Sonic the blue blur, Pac-Man the devourer of worlds, the princess of Hyrule (original capital of Constantinople)…

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Cap’n Crunch – Original Flavor Review

Let me begin by saying that I love Captain Crunch. This bias will most certainly seep into my review, but I am unapologetic. This bias is well-deserved, and, for reasons I will soon discuss, Cap’n Crunch’s original flavor gets 10/10 Crunchberries. Perfectly sweetened, delectable and savory, crunchy yet soft–Cap’n Crunch’s original flavor, contained within a…

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In Sickness and in Health

It would appear as though I have fallen sick: my throat prickles, as though perforated by cactus spines; my eye-sockets throb, and feel impressed upon; my body, simply put, is failing me. I would worry you not, most esteemed reader – I will most certainly recover from that which ails me. The cause for my…

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Horatiatic Jestings

As has been made clear by the posts of my great friend and peer who shall remain nameless, the accurate interpretation of Horatio’s existential verities eludes even those who have been blessed with the brightest of minds! It would seem that our humble outlet of information has been plagued, transforming it into a cesspool of…

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