Hinduism Crunch : Mythological Horatiatic Sagas

During my recent business trip to the wonderful subcontinent of India, I chatted with many locals about current events. And what event is more current than Captain Crunch? During one of my conversations with a friend I had made, I learned a groundbreaking piece of information that I was not previously aware of: Crunch is…

Read More

First CrunchFacts T-shirts are here!

Ahoy mateys! Chad Goldsmith here with big news! The first batch of CrunchFacts t-shirts are finally ready, handwoven by Horatio Crunch’s trusted crunchling worksman, Clutumnus. Crunch designed these shirts specifically to honor his beloved coworkers, back from his improv days. You can find the shirts, as well as other goods such as canvas paintings (hand-painted…

Read More

New Year’s Cruncholutions: 2019

2019 (or クランチ 1, as reported to us by my dear friend Tatsumi) is upon us all, and we at CrunchFacts have decided to crunchatize our New Year’s resolutions. I have interviewed all of our staff, and you can read about our individual resolutions below. CrunchFacts itself also has a few surprises in store for 2019.…

Read More

A Very Crunchy Advent Calendar 2: Attack of the Crunch

Pardon my title, fellow Crunchmas celebrators! Just the other night, before turning in for a very crunchy slumber, I saw it fit to watch George Lucrunch’s Crunch Wars Episode II: Attack of the Crunch. Anakin Skycruncher: I don’t like sand. It’s coarse, and rough, and irritating, and it gets everywhere. Today, on this second day…

Read More

2018: A Crunchy Retrospective

Well, here we are. The year is coming to a close and we all have a chance to look back upon the great — and not so great — things that have happened this year. And so we all must ask ourselves: where would we be without a little crunch in our lives! Yes, we…

Read More

Jean LaFoote Encounters: The Beginning

To start this series on Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch’s encounters with infamous pirate, counterfeit Cap’n Crunch cereal maker, and jaywalker Jean LaFoote, I figured I would write out Crunch’s very first encounter with LaFoote. While it may not be as crunchtastic as some of the later encounters, it serves as a good exposition to the future…

Read More

Cap’n Crunch – Original Flavor Review

Let me begin by saying that I love Captain Crunch. This bias will most certainly seep into my review, but I am unapologetic. This bias is well-deserved, and, for reasons I will soon discuss, Cap’n Crunch’s original flavor gets 10/10 Crunchberries. Perfectly sweetened, delectable and savory, crunchy yet soft–Cap’n Crunch’s original flavor, contained within a…

Read More

i’ve found the truth!

I’ve found it out! Captain Crunch, you delectable lout! Beloved colonizer of the Isle of Crunch Crunchlings you herded, gathered in a bunch! Compressed and compacted, squeezed and extruded To create golden corn and oat squares, beautiful and fluted! Oh what a show! How could I have ever been so low? So as to doubt…

Read More

Solitary Berry

Captain Crunch, A man of glee For breakfast, lunch, I’ll munch on thee Aboard his ship, The S.S. Guppy On sea you’ll float, If you’re so lucky And search the seas, Look far and wide For Crunch Berries, To steal and hide   Upon your tongue, You’ll plant the seed One berry clung, but was…

Read More

Mayor Crunch?

Further inspection of our Crunch memoirs has revealed that the good Captain once held political office. Not only that, but he held one of the more prestigious offices in the world: Mayor of Flavortown, USA. Normally, people associate celebrity food critic and chef Guy Fieri as the Mayor of Flavortown, but that has not always…

Read More