Introducing “The Cap’n Crunch Show”

Johnny Carson, Ed Sullivan, Jay Leno, Conan O’Brien, David Letterman, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel,  Stephen Colbert. What do all of these names have in common? That’s right. They are all old white men. More than that, though, they are old white men with talk shows. So it is only reasonable to assume that the most…

Read More

Jean LaFoote Encounters: Trouble aFoote Part 1/3

As I delve further into Crunch’s memoirs, I descover truly how little I know about the universe. With each entry, Crunch reaches closer and closer to omnipotence. How he is able to remember even the most minute details, and then write them in his personal diary, able to be understood by even the most casual…

Read More

2018: A Crunchy Retrospective

Well, here we are. The year is coming to a close and we all have a chance to look back upon the great — and not so great — things that have happened this year. And so we all must ask ourselves: where would we be without a little crunch in our lives! Yes, we…

Read More

An Ode to Crunch, Or Crunchling’s Lament

He arrived, a gleam in his eyes; it betrayed, belied, yet cast all pretense aside. Setting forth, looking port; not right, though not wrong, adventure throngs among throngs overlong. Queued to queue their boxes emblazoned, they stand and they wait, mostly patient. Then he arrives, fully sated, to sate of them, that diverse gradient, that…

Read More

Solitary Berry

Captain Crunch, A man of glee For breakfast, lunch, I’ll munch on thee Aboard his ship, The S.S. Guppy On sea you’ll float, If you’re so lucky And search the seas, Look far and wide For Crunch Berries, To steal and hide   Upon your tongue, You’ll plant the seed One berry clung, but was…

Read More