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All articles filed in Thoughts
Crunchy Answer #2: Is Crunch a Mr. or a Monsieur?
“Hello” or “bonjour?” “Thank you” or “merci?” “Give me liberty” or “donne moi une pipe?” These are the important questions we must ask when trying to decipher the origins of Crunch. While it is obviously clear he is from the beautiful Crunch Island, the location of said island has remained a bit more mysterious. Much…
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New Year’s Cruncholutions: 2019
2019 (or クランチ 1, as reported to us by my dear friend Tatsumi) is upon us all, and we at CrunchFacts have decided to crunchatize our New Year’s resolutions. I have interviewed all of our staff, and you can read about our individual resolutions below. CrunchFacts itself also has a few surprises in store for 2019.…
Read More2018: A Crunchy Retrospective
Well, here we are. The year is coming to a close and we all have a chance to look back upon the great — and not so great — things that have happened this year. And so we all must ask ourselves: where would we be without a little crunch in our lives! Yes, we…
Read MoreAn Ode to Crunch, Or Crunchling’s Lament
He arrived, a gleam in his eyes; it betrayed, belied, yet cast all pretense aside. Setting forth, looking port; not right, though not wrong, adventure throngs among throngs overlong. Queued to queue their boxes emblazoned, they stand and they wait, mostly patient. Then he arrives, fully sated, to sate of them, that diverse gradient, that…
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Horatiatic Jestings
As has been made clear by the posts of my great friend and peer who shall remain nameless, the accurate interpretation of Horatio’s existential verities eludes even those who have been blessed with the brightest of minds! It would seem that our humble outlet of information has been plagued, transforming it into a cesspool of…
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why
i cannot for the life of me discern what exactly it is i am trying to say anymore–i have, time and time again, deleted and rewritten this post. it has been two hours now, and i refuse to allow myself to rebuff this post’s submission any further. i have toyed with the idea of simply…
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The Death of Crunch (cont’d.)
When there is a death in the family, and all has been prepared for their departure, the deceased is more alive than they ever were when alive; that there even exists such a ritual sendoff (be it by way of funeral, cremation, alkaline hydrolysis–the list goes on) lends credence to a notion of mine–that, in…
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Eucharistic Horatiatic Postmortem Impermanence
Captain Crunch exists. This is my final stand, both against myself and those around me who would think me as covetously grasping to a fiction. So quick to jump to conclusions, people are; and yet, even in the face of finite, categorical, epistemologically unchallengeable outcomes, people can deny the truth. My friends and colleagues have…
Read MoreExperimenting With Crunch
I write this brief post to inform our beloved reader base of a new innovation in the Captain Crunch Colloquium (CCC): Captain Crunch Cereal in pickle brine. Hear me out for a second, my most certainly now-disgusted reader–You would be remiss to click away from this post now before trying this combination. As my grandmother…
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Crunch Facts 