The Cap’n’s Crunchy Crew

It is no secret that Cap’n Horatio Magellan Crunch is the Captain of the Guppy. Though no matter how great a ship’s captain is, every ship needs a crew.

I have taken the liberty of translating Crunch’s ship manifests, and listing the names and, if available, the descriptions of the crew members below.


Smedley is the resident elephant of the Guppy. Smedley was a gift given to Crunch by the people of the subcontinent of India, as a “thank you” for introducing crunchberries to them. Smedley is Jean LaFoote’s greatest nightmare, and Crunch uses that against him when in dire straits. Smedley can be seen on early packages of Peanut Butter Crunch.

Capn Crunch Smedley character card

Crunchberry Beast (Name changed from “Crunch Beast” after release of Crunchberry flavor)

Little is known about Crunchberry Beast’s origins, though one thing is certain: it is not human or crunchling. Though despite this, Crunchberry Beast was found on Crunch Island playing with crunchlings, believing them-self to be a crunchling as well. Crunchberry Beast has proven to be a powerful ally to Horatio, often sharing the hidden secrets of the craved crunchberry. As such, Crunchberry Beast appeared frequently on early versions of the Crunchberry flavor cereal box.

Crunchberry Beast card


If dogs are man’s best friend, then Seadog is Horatio’s best friend. Seadog is the 2nd-in-command on the Guppy, and valuable protector of Horatio’s many treasures.  While some may consider Seadog and Smedley to be Horatio’s pets, we at CrunchFacts actually have concluded that the relationship is not one of pet and owner, but of friend and friend with white mustache.

capn crunch seadog


The youngest member of the Guppy‘s crew, Carlyle is known by his signature sweet tooth, used for munching the crunchberries.

Australia capn crunch carlyle
Horatio and Carlyle on their annual trip to Australia.

Bertha (Magnolia Bulkhead?)

Not much is known about Bertha (in fact, even her name is uncertain. It appears she has gone by the alias Magnolia Bulkhead), but she seems to have an affinity for the Cap’n himself. Every time she is pictured,  we see her with lust in her eyes and visible hearts flowing around her.

bertha or magnolia bulkhead


One of the many children on the Guppy. Known as the brains of the crew, and easily recognizable by his glasses.

crunch money alfie
Alfie and Brunhilde on one of the world’s most valuable currencies, Crunch Money. 1CM is equal to about 823USD.


One of the many children on the Guppy, identifiable by her signature blonde hair. Possibly next in line in the chain of command after Seadog.

Brunhilde and Capn Crunch
Brunhilde can be seen here being taught by Horatio that peeping is okay, as long as you use the 1-minute rule.


One of the many children on the Guppy. Not the sweetest crunchberry, if you catch my drift, but loyal to a fault. Seen above with the large gap in his teeth.

Dave Capn Crunch

3 replies to The Cap’n’s Crunchy Crew
  1. wheres seadog what happened to captain crunches rival/frienime Jean LaFoote on twitter whered they go? also if apperantly seadog is okay then why hasnt posted on @therealseadog on twitter same goes for Jean Lafoot im a fan but im very confused please answer these questions please and thank you

    -your fan- kyle

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dearest Kyle Timmons,

      It seems you have been bamboozled! Hoodwinked! Hornswoggled! Euchred! Mislead! Swindled! The Twitter user “@therealseadog,” despite their handle, is in fact NOT the real Seadog! Seadog, while a smartphone owner, is not on Twitter (yet). He thinks that social media is the root of all evil, and who can blame him?

      I can.

      As for Jean LaFoote, he has been banned indefinitely from Twitter for countless retweeting misinformation regarding COVID-19 and the 2020 American Presidential Election. As such, he will be inactive on social media for the foreseeable future.

      Seadog sends his warm regards, and appreciates your concerns about his health. LaFoote’s representative has yet to respond to our requests for comment, however.

      We hope this answers your all of your questions!


      Chad Goldsmith Esq.


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